You all know when you feel yourself surrounded with a sense of hopelessness, that regardless of your beliefs or your religious codes, your find your heart praying to God, sending out message to the universe in a final, desperate attempt to cling to the reality that you know. It rudely alerts you to the evanescence of life. So here is a way, my way, to cherish you, Mas.
Basuki Rachmat or often called Mas Ade, one of my dearest cousins passed away at the hospital after storming weeks of battle with his kidney.
Mas Ade was a cousin from my mother's side of the family. He was the youngest son of my mother's elder sister. When I was a little, I didn't really know him as he was years older than me so we had completely different playground. I began to get to know him better when he came to hospital when my father was hospitalized and later passed away. We became closer and he was like another big brother for me.
When I started my relationship with Budi, he was among the first people that I couldn't wait to introduce Budi to. He (and my aunt, BuWied) was also the first one whom I asked Budi to meet, because what they thought about Budi really mattered to me. He said that Budi was really a nice guy and all the positive attributes including patience. I was like "haa? patient?" I didn't believe him at all, but soon after I knew Budi better, he was totally correct. Mas Ade was indeed a good judge of a person character :-)
Looking at him sleeping peacefully in a coffin yesterday brought me mixed feelings. I was mad that he had to go now, while I still have so many things to share with him, to seek his advice, to joke around. I was so sad that he hadn't yet had his dream, to spend his old age with his dear wife, Mba Fanny, in Balerejo, Madiun like he used to tell me, and so many other dreams he has for life. My heart broke to see Mba Fanny had to lose her better half, her life partner and live her days without him by her side anymore. I couldn't help to feel (again) of loosing someone that we hold so dearly. It felt like part of your soul was taken away so abruptly, then suddenly you feel empty. Nothing. You just can't afford the energy to scream, the tears to shed, the rage to shout. You just simply miss that person, badly. And even for just one minute, you want to hold them again in your arms. And nothing else matters. I can't help to think about Papah, Rio and Budi. And it terrified me so bad. Damn you, Mas.
But then again, I saw you like feeling content to have finished it all. You rest.
I know you have a kind soul with an open heart and such a warm spirited person. Your joke never failed to enlighten the ambience - either you mocked someone else or it went back totally on you :-) You seem to always have something in your words to say about things. As a Javanese, I think you went beyond the normal standard (sorry, but I guess you did, hehe..) I remember our chat that I once posted here too in this blog. See this link>> "Happiness is in the mind"
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| Mas Ade's words are on the white box, mine's green |
Similar story, when I took road trip last December to Yogyakarta. You were like my 24-hour GPS, always sending me the traffic update, including recommendation of several nice local coffee houses.
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| Mas Ade's words are on the white box, mine's green |
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| Mas Ade's words are on the white box, mine's green |
You were like my second big brother, the one I could always turn to for some silly chats, ghost-busting advice, and comfort when things got rough. Thank you for everything, Mas. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you...
Now, I'm going to choose to believe you're in a better place now. Heaven just couldn't wait for you.
Rest in peace, Mas...
