Lately I've been hearing stories from friends about how they got so upset with the people (boss, lovers, peers, siblings, etc) who got so easily saying hurtful words, and the next minutes asking for an apology (or even not), but the things kept recurring. It brought my mind about a story.... This is the story:
There was a boy who often loses his temper and shout hurtful words. The father was worried so he tried to explain it through actions. One day he handed his son a bag of nails, asking the boy that each time he loses his temper and shouts hurtful words, he must hammer a nail into the back of the wooden fence in their yard. On that first day, 37 nails went into the fence. Over the next few weeks the boy began discovering it was easier to hold his temper and his tongue than trek all the way out to the back fence and pound those nails into the fence.
After some time the boy proudly approached his father and announced he had not lost temper at all for several days. His wise father suggested his son pull out one nail for each temper-free day. Finally, boasting that all the nails were gone, the boy takes his dad's hand and leads him to the fence without nails. "You have done well, my son. Now look at the holes in the fence. It will never be the same. When you say things in anger your words leave scars, just like these holes."
We may have heard some people try to justify, rationalize or excuse their harsh words and disrespectful attitudes by saying "Oh, that was not a big deal, I didn't mean it", or "Aah, you're just too sensitive, relax, don't take it so seriously", or "Well, that is just me, get over it"
In life, there are so many occassions that could easily be the trigger of our anger. Anger itself is not evil, but unchecked anger and aggressive words can cause paralyzing fear, painful hurt. Harsh, harmful and hateful words can be just as deadly to our spirit as weapons of mass destruction are to our lives. Yes, words are that powerful, my friend.
I was once reminded thorugh a sermon in a church, that it is okay to be angry, but do not sin--don't use damaging words, condemn or tear down someone's self-esteem. The sin doesn't lie in the expression of anger, but in the way we use it. We can choose to express anger in healthy or unhealthy ways--in ways that heal or hurt. There is a difference between getting angry and being an angry person. When the expression of anger dominates our life and personality, we are no longer a person with anger, but an angry person. I can't imagine how a person can live through a day with that kind of baggage in his/her heart, must be so tiring.
When I was a child, I remember my father telling me, "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all." This is not about stuffing or repressing anger, it is simply about respect and self-control.
Words are powerful. They can tear down or build up those closest to us. In the story above, the boy's wise father gently, but effectively pointed out the destruction angry words can produce, and the permanency of their scars.
What words that we choose to say are a concious choice. Do not blame the failure to choose to our character, instead it takes a huge commitment to change. It may not be easy as it may have been our character for years but these can be an incredible act that reflect an incredible strength that we have. Let's not fall into the trap of "biting and devouring" especially to those people we hold so dearly. Reckleass words can rip them into pieces, but on contrary, words can also build them up and create piece.
As my father said "Watch your words, young lady". Let our words be a blessing to the people around us....shall we?
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