My life is surely not perfect. Some of my days are just amazingly great, when things go as planed or expected, or even better. I bounce from one happiness to another exciting things. And I feel wonderful on the inside. But then there are days, when I don't get motivated to do anything, when my best laid plans go out the window before the day has barely begun. Everything just goes wrong, and I feel sinking deeper and deeper. And all I want to do just to go back sleep again and let the day slip by, hoping I'd wake up in a better day.
Then I also think that there are surely tons of things I wish could have had, wanted and (thought) I needed, but when I started counting my blessings, those things didn't seem to matter at all. I have all I need. My lord has graciously fulfilled me.
My heart is full of gratitude that I can only say "Thank you, Jesus, thank you for everything in my life".
Counting my blessings, I have my health, that I can wake up every morning and do whatever I need to do. My body is surely not an indestructible body of Superman or Wolverine and does have a slightly high cholesterol but this body is all I have (and need) so I wish I could take good care of it in many better ways. I have family who is full of love - Budi is just incredibly perfect in his imperfection.. I can never stop thanking God for giving him into my life. Rio, my big brother, is like the other half of me that has been and forever will be there for me. My parents-in-law whose heart are undoubtedly as big as the grace of life, that surround me with love and comfort. My sweet best friends - with times, I appreciate more on the quality rather than quantity, and I'm happy with all the friends that in their each way touch my heart during the happy and challenging times, who share not only strength and comfort, but also food and silly jokes. My work that in many ways is rewarding (though at times it gives me a roller-coaster ride) with all the fun (and some are hilariously surreal, hahaha...but isn't everybody?) office mates and friends who fill my days with lots of stories everyday. And all other relatives and friends whom may be somewhat distant through the distance, I always wish you well.
On the other side, I also can't help but feeling a tiny hole of emptiness in my heart. A space that I wish I could have shared my happiness with the people I love. My parents. God knows how I will forever miss my father (the pillar of my soul) every single minute of my life, that I wish he was here with me. And my mother, whom I mostly know from memories that were built until I was 4+ years old, when she passed away. I know this space will always be there in my heart, but knowing that they're now in good hands of my dear Lord, I know I will be fine.
Today is my birthday. Don't ask my age now, hahaha... age is just a number but the wisdom lasts forever (Ha! If I'm ever to be wise!). I'm forever grateful to still have today and most importantly to have a conscious heart that feels grateful and blessed.
Life ahead is surely not going to be easier, and sometimes I get terribly scared just by thinking all the possible worst things that may happen, but my one and only wish that I would always be able to direct everything to the God's love and grace, and have complete faith (not even a shaky one) that He will always provide me, the blessings and companion throughout the life's ups and downs; That I will always be able to say thanks (and be happy) for everything.
May God bless you, as he blesses my life.
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